In an age in which an enlightened few have begun to suspect that maybe, just maybe, money has come to influence sports a bit too much, culminating in the shocking realization that CC "Don't Call Me C. C." Sabathia's contract is the largest ever for a pitcher (~!), that baseball players may have sullied the game by trying to gain an edge, and that Roger Clemens' foundation of youth may have been, er, youth, there is one thing we all thought would remain sacrosanct: the relegation of baseball blog groupies to wiseacre commentary and their own teams.

But I am here not only to warn you, my friends, but as a cautionary tale in myself. For in an age when noble souls like Darin Erstad and David Eckstein hang on just for the love of the game, I, a lowly baseball hobbyist and Royals Review commenter, have accepted a free agent offer, nay, a wheelbarrow full of old doubloons, to write regular nonsense for the Hal Steinbrenner/Dan Snider/Equivalent Hockey Owner of SBNation: Kyle Boddy.

And really, in these difficult economic times, who can blame me? Those of you who are blameless cast the first snarkstone. I am a mere member of the virtual proletariat, one not privy to the super-duper secret stats that allow the front offices baseball to make wise choices beyond the comprehension of those of us dwelling in our mother's basements. I should be forever a mere Royals Reviewer, posting angry "Farnsworth sux!!!11" comments and writing dorky baseball-TV crossover scenarios.

Yet Kyle Boddy has taken advantage of the recession with his offer of fame and fortune, and I did not have the will to resist. I was so naive I didn't even think to make a Rowdy Hardy delivery analysis a sticking point in the negotiations! Fie on you, Driveline Mechanics, for snatching me from the premodern organic whole that is Royals Review! My soul may be consumed, but my loyalties will forever lie with ... so on and so forth... If you've seen Boogie Nights, you have a pretty good idea of how this is going to end.

Anyway, I couldn't keep the conceit up. Hi, I'm devil_fingers, and I couldn't come up with a good way to introduce myself to the readers of this blog. I'm excited and honored that Kyle asked me to join the writing staff here at Driveline Mechanics. While I know next to nothing about pitching mechanics, I am a fan of baseball who presumes to analylze it.

I was surprised and flattered when Kyle cited an off-hand comment of mine in his analysis of the Kerry Wood deal. I was even more surprised when he asked me to join. I told him that I needed some time to think about it, but I really didn't. I thought about it for a bit, then said I would give it a try. I'm don't think that my insights are terribly original -- while I like sabermetric analysis of baseball, I'm not an innovator, but rather take the tools created by the real "brains" out there (too many to list) to think about players, teams, contracts, etc. in a way that makes sense of why certain things do and don't work. One earlier example of this is my attempt to gauge the free agent market for position players using Marcels offensive projections and Rally's defensive projections. I'm sure that sounds thrilling. All I need to add now is "and if you're not careful, you might just learn something before we're done." Kyle also gives the titles of some things I've written earlier.

Like the modern ballplayer, I do have a sense of entitlement. So I'll actually be going on vacation first thing, and won't be picking up the "real" blogging until the second week of January or so. I have some things up my sleeve already that you might find interesting, or at least the subject of ridicule. Hey, Unintentional Comedy is still comedy

In conclusion to this introduction, I want to do two things to give a scattershot view of where I'm coming from: 1) A brief (and certainly non-exhaustive) list of some of the things a enjoy that will probably make an appearance at some point in my writing here; 2) a brief list of "thank yous." Corny, but necessary. And I'll get in a few plugs along the way.

Some things I like: hot wings, Frank Zappa, Gregg Zaun, Matt Stairs, Russell Branyan, Alex Gordon, PECOTA, David Dejesus, Rowdy Hardy, tRA, wOBA, John Coltrane, linear weights, Fangraphs, Paul Piccone, Marcels, Hardball Times, Thomas Mann, Confederacy of Dunces, Orlando Hudson, King of the Hill, CHONE, The Simpsons, Anthony Braxton, Justin Huber, Jenna Fischer, Miles Davis, ZiPS, Billy Gibbons, Greek food, Trailer Park Boys, Stat Corner, UZR, Kafka, PMR, plus/minus, Bill James, Joe Posnanski, Gary Busey, Adorno, BaseRuns, Albert Ayler, Rany Jazayerli

Acknowledgments: Sometimes, especially in the front of academic books, you can get a bunch of names that seems less like a list of "thank yous" and more like a list of debts that need to be repaid. And, hey, it's not like I've actually done anything yet. However, I do feel like I should acknowledge some people (most of them acquaitances from Royals Review). There is a danger that some will get left out, of course, so I should first thank everyone at Royals Review accidently hit "rec" rather than "flag," and thus didn't get me banned.

Thanks to Kyle for giving me this chance. Hopefully I won't screw up too much.

OK, the Royals Review list was getting too long (~!), maudlin, and yearbook-esque. I can't go through everyone specifically. Here's a brief, inexhaustive, and unordered list of RR denizens and others who, unbeknown to themselves, led me down this Golden Path (those who can't find their names are the greatest heroes of them all):

nyroyalnhzroyalsretrokcscolinygopherballszeppelindzskykalkmantomtango loyal2familybuddyballmarbottydoublestix306008babyblueshedonismbotjoel42rossgload shanecostagloadwillexplodemglseanchonerallymonkeyofanaheimsmith jmoney42stevephillipstreyhillmanminda33porcussteveperryfamilytucsonroyal royalnationbuddyballstevehovleyroyalkingdomtopramenranda4lifejopotrumanroyal brroyalpimpbot5000jonfmorsedarthyoshidjkroyaltimlacywildthangbillplaschkeranyandyrooney

Whew. Two more.

Most of all, I gues the person to thank/blame for my sudden rise to fame (or blame for the loss of our national innocence) is Royals Review himself. I'm not sure how I first stumbled upon his blog, but it's pretty much the only Royals blog I visit. I came for information, and stayed for the writing. RR is the Franz Kafka of the Royals Blogosphere. I'm still not sure why he didn't get rid of the devil_fingers infestation right away, but it is what it is. For those who aren't "in the know," the first few of this first post is a clumsy and corny tribute to one of RR's greatest tropes. Even my signature (which I will be retiring soon), "OMG Banny. FWIW I am only crdtng u w/3 runs allwd bc of DDJ OMFG," comes from an offhand and hilarious joke made by RR in hilarious game thread eariler this season (it's a long story). Everyone should check out his stuff if you haven't already, and if you need a place to get started, here is one of my personal favorites, an angry blast at the betrayal of the Royals Great who got away: Paul Bako.

And finally, thanks to Dick Kaegel, just for being Dick.

See you all in January!